SPORTING SPIRIT HIT FOR SIX BY PAKISTAN

20-08-2006

As I write late on this Sunday evening senior cricket officials are huddled in a committee room at the Oval trying to "save" the final test.

Sorry chaps, but that was England's job and a pretty good fist of it they were making too - until Pakistan objected to a five-run penalty for ball-tampering and refused to come out after tea.

By refusing to play the tourists have surely forfeited the match and all those responsible should now be banned from the game. Simple. So why all this late night chit chat?

The first signs of a flare-up came just after half-past two when the umpires inspected the ball and decided there was evidence of ball-tampering.

England's batsmen were allowed to choose a replacement ball, and and extra five runs were added to the team's score.

On the field Pakistan appeared to take their punishment with good grace, but behind the scenes their coach Bob Woolmer - the brains behind Warwickshire's treble-winning season in 1994 - was furious.

He stormed into the office of match referee Mike Proctor and a vigorous debate ensued.

It wasn't until after the tea interval, though, that fans had any inkling of the controversy to follow.

Both umpires and the England batsmen made their way out to resume play, but Pakistan remained holed-up in the dressing room.

Either radio 4's Test Match Special team had donated a collection of surplus cakes sent by their listeners and the tourists' were so busy indulging that they simply didn't realise the time - or else they were throwing a tantrum and refusing to play.

At this point Pakistan, by any sensible interpretation of the rules, had lost the game - although many of the old-pros on the TMS team showed an astonishing level of sympathy for them.

One of their team suggested there should be a "right of appeal" when teams are accused of cheating.

Maybe, they said, the umpire Darrel Hair was a poor selection for the match because he's made decisions previously which have angered Pakistan.

They wondered if, possibly, a "compromise" could be brokered.

To which three suggestions The Stirrer says - bollocks, bollocks and bollocks again.

Indeed, if anything highlights what a bad idea it is for ex-professionals to pontificate on their own game, this display of back-slapping empathy was it.

We were constantly encouraged to understand how difficult these circumstances were for the players - and especially the hard-done by alleged cheat of Pakistan.

Who gives a damn? Their job is to play for paying spectators and in failing to do that they not only lost the match, but the respect of every cricket fan who understands the spirit of the game too.

For what it's worth, let's just examine the TMS team's suggestions.

The idea that players should be able to "appeal" when umpires have made up their minds is laughable - we'd never have an undisputed decision again.

There are procedures laid down for players to make grievances known after the close of play, but during the match there are two people - and two people only who lay down the law. And they are the umpires on the field of play.

Question that and you may as well draw stumps forever and head off into the sunset.

Much has also been made about Darrel Hair's supposed anti-Asian prejudice.

But hold on a minute, the Australian Hair is part of a team of globe-trotting neutral umpires introduced by the authorities so that accusations of bias would be eliminated.

His skills are independently assessed and if his authority is questioned now the game will be undermined for years to come.

Which brings us to the final nonsense suggested by the TMS team - a "compromise".

No way. Pakistan have been adjudged - rightly or wrongly - to have cheated.

They may feel aggrieved about that, but literally taking home their ball and refusing to play is no answer.

The fact is that they failed to show for the final session of the day.

They have lost. Er, that's it.

In failing to show they cheated thousands of fans who had paid good money and given up a Sunday to be at the criket.

The only discussions now should focus around whether Pakistan's players and officials should sent home immediately or allowed to play the scheduled one-day series that includes a game at Edgbaston.

In any event, a long suspension should follow for all those involved - with a life ban if they ever pull the same stunt again.