Poet's Corner

24-05-2008

A ROUGH GUIDE TO DRINKING BLOKES SUMMER HOLIDAYS

Thinking of chilling out at the seaside this Bank Holiday weekend? Brendan Hawthorne reckons he's seen you about.

On holiday the average British male

presents to the world a sad and sorry tale

One of over-indulgence in fatty food and ale

and a skin tone that’s on the sun-burnt side of pale

Party can abs sag beneath bright Hawaiian shirts

a chip bucket haven for their burger cohorts

They have an absurd fashion sense that’s never in mags

because style gurus don’t cater for packets of fags

Those double XL suits of nylon, shell and grey

get traded for sandals and socks and shorts for the day

Whatever the weather, whatever the temperature

the uniform is out there, of that you can be sure

His wife and kids will have gone and left him be

to his grumpy sulks as they run out across sand to sea

Though he will supervise the building of the best sand castle

because it’s a cheap alternative and not too much hassle

But these finely-honed men do seem to be acutely aware

of the need to recycle cans in the name of planetary care

and by them not washing for a week or scraping a shave

justify themselves by how much water’s been saved

So next time you see a bloke frying on the beach

say hello and put another beer just within his reach!

Copyright Brendan Hawthorne 2008