From Dieticians to Morticians
We're leading the way in Europe
The obesity trials prove it
Our shift from dieticians to morticians
cannot relieve a constipated society
living off the fat of the land and
requiring lipo-suction enemas
spoonfed by nanny politicians
who don't mind a bit of roughage
in the stodge and thin gruel
of English taste and appetite
And what a state to be in
Sustained on five portions of convenience
sugar, salt, fat, starch,
and too numerous other additives to give
processed packaged pulp flavour
for couch potatoes to vegetate upon
Drip-feed diets of commercialism
pour through omni-present screens
that flicker incessantly with
rest phase cholesterol reliability
dictating our likes and must haves
setting trends for our
elasticated waistlines to expand
and surpass moments of depression
and absolute gluttony
Cat walk bulimics provide
tight shot seduction before
returning the goods partially digested
to cyber aisle supermarkets with
home delivery options
Meanwhile in a parallel reality
we bathe in the suds of overblown
product placement soaps
before suffering from repeats
and hard to digest fly-on-the-walls
the place where dumbed down TV
equates to burgers for the brain
all neatly packaged and re-constituted
softening minds to blubber
turning muscle to lard
Our food like politics is pale and lethargic
our questioning intellect dulled by
poor education policy and nutrition
Still the rest of Europe is catching us up
so that we don't feel too alone
on our wobbling pedestal
Shouldn't be difficult as two-thirds
of us are said to be obese and nicotine starved
But at least we can say to the French
when they take the moral high ground
that pommes frites have had their chips
