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Poet's Corner

COLLECTIVE CONSERVATISM AND HARD LABOUR IS SO LIBERATING

21-04-2008

With the local elections coming, you might find yourself meeting strangers in the street. Weird people who you think you vaguely remember having met once before. Yes, says Brendan Hawthorne, it's your local councillor.

It’s so exciting!

The term is on the turn

and our hard working

all year round councillors are

preparing themselves to be

joined by the lesser spotted

local election get-out-of-beds

Their inbuilt alarm clock

stirs them into

short-lived activity spells

and Who are they?

Which one is it?

press photos

and as a matter of tradition

those Cooey! Remember me? diatribes

springboarding them forward

into the limelight

and self-publicity

forcing them to break

from their comfortably cosy

complacent

fat cat slumbers

so that they can

meet up briefly with

the real world

the alien habitat

of the electorate

clearly on the street

of clarity

And yes!

Treat them as

important equals

since their last vote induced

a state of political hibernation

and public isolation

But the poll spotters

will soon be out in number

regardless of opposition

with their clipboards

and salacious smiles

trying to catch a first glimpse

checking on the climate

for when these

rarely seen

members eventually show their colours

Yes!

The seldom seen ones

with visual contact

rarer than common sense

and best value

in money saving

policy directives

And when they

get used to the light again

they will be given

their own little

reservation to roam in

Somewhere safe

and tested

A land of milk and honey expenses

A place not too taxing

so that they can

patronise their

chosen minority

with chummy smiles

and back-slapping tactics

secure in the fact

that no matter

how much people moan

they will be returned

those lesser-spotteds

to their dreams

signed off with a goodnight kiss

And no-one will admit to

having voted for them

and no-one will admit to

having wanted them

and everyone will have

cussed them at some point

and all the rest of us can do

is sit and wait

for democracy

to let us

go and do it all again

at the next election

And when April showers pass

and a winter of discontent looms

remember we’ll meet up

with them again

some sunny day in May

to deliver our unwanted verdict